The Perfect Patient

While I am not thrilled to be living in a long-term care facility, I have to admit that over the years, I have come to the conclusion that I am, constitutionally, the perfect patient for this place. This is not something I say happily and even a little unwillingly, but in many ways, I was built for institutional living.

I am not the typical patient this place was built for. This place was made for people who did not have relatives who could take care of them and did not have the resources or the mental capacity to look after themselves. When you get to the point where you don't recognize your own relatives or understand what you need to do to be safe, you need a place where other people can care for you.

Also, I am not technically the perfect patient. I would say the easiest person to take care of would be someone who does not move, needs minimal attention, and is quiet. There are patients like that, but they don't last long, as they are in hospice care. They sometimes have many visitors. At the very end, they are moved to their own room so people can say goodbye in private.

One of the main characteristics that sets me up to be a good patient is just that, my ability to be patient. With my phone and my iPad, I can amuse myself for hours and be the last person the CNAs work on. If I do demand something, that insistence is so rare; they know it is important. I can be a hassle because I am so particular about how I need to be handled. But I can explain to anyone exactly what I need them to do.

This is the good and bad side of being conscious and alert. Many CNAs don't appreciate me because they do not want to be told what to do. I'm not saying they are incompetent. I'm explaining how to handle me specifically. I have watched people take care of me for about 10 years now, and I generally, if not specifically, know what they are going to do. I comment precisely when something should be done. Most of the time, I am not heard.

Because I am not able to write easily, I have learned to remember what I need to know. I have a very good memory because I exercise it so much.

Most of the time, I am also very considerate. The words ‘thank you’ go a long way with CNAs and nurses who almost never hear that from their patients. I say it after I ask someone to do something and they do it. You really can't be too considerate here. I said "most of the time" because there are times when I get bitchy and demanding. Usually, I quickly apologize once I realize what I'm doing.

I have done so much work on myself in the first half of my life that I am easily able to recognize what is going on and either solve it or let it go. I have also learned the importance of taking responsibility for one's actions. I have learned that, no matter how irritating it feels, it is always best to own your side of things first. As much as you want the other person to change, if you first show willingness to own your part, I have found that other people find it easy to shift their perspective.

Where does that leave me? Able to understand what needs to be done and a lot of free time in which to do it. Instead of complaining about where I am, or wishing I were somewhere else, I will make the most of what I have and let the chips fall where they may. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I could be a lot worse off.