When you are a strong, independent woman, like me, being disabled is a huge pain in the ass. It puts a real crimp in my ability to do whatever I want. Being on Medicaid really doesn't help as I have a little bit of money. Not enough to live in my own place and have helpers come to me. But enough to make living in a care facility a little bit nicer. In any case, I am not in charge of my money while I am getting great care from Medicaid.
How are you so nice all the time? That is a question I do not get asked, but it's something I pose to myself sometimes, and I figure some of my readers think that but are too polite to say it out loud. So I'm going to answer that unasked question and relieve you all of any lingering doubts about my own mental well-being.
Every day there is growing evidence of this administration’s lack of regard for the rule of law, for any kind of accountability, and for any modicum of decency for human beings. Everything they do contradicts everything they say they are doing. They say things that sound good, but their actions show they are carrying out the mission outlined in Project 2025 and have no interest in following the structure of our government.
Thank you, GOP, for all you are not doing in this administration. It is a real lesson to watch who you have put in charge of the government and how they work. There's so much to learn and I have been taking notes.
Revised February 6, 2025
I lived in Los Angeles for 21 years, starting in 1985 when I attended UCLA. After graduation, I lived in Studio City, Santa Monica, Venice, and Mar Vista. I worked in Studio City, Hollywood, and El Segundo. I went from a naïve 19 year-old to a naïve 39 year-old. I had a lot of fun and formed many friendships that I consider some of the most influential in my life. LA is an important city to me and it is heartbreaking to hear of it being destroyed.
I arrived at this hospital on November 15, 2022, so I have been here exactly two years and six weeks. Let's round that off to two years and review what I have learned and how I'm doing so far.
* This is an updated version of the original. *
It is too soon for me to fully understand Humphrey’s significance in my life, but I can see some major ways he has affected me. It was so wonderful to have someone completely devoted to me while I was moving islands and navigating the long-term care facility the first year or so. I could absolutely depend on his unwavering support through everything.
Right off the bat, let me clarify this is not an essay about saying things that are untrue. This is an essay talking about the particularities of how I lay in my bed. Oh, Ellen, come on!, you say. I know you like to be clever with your titles, but this is ridiculous— you're going to write an entire essay about how you lie in bed? What is there to say? You get in bed and lie down. End of story.
I have been thinking about my current living situation for a while now and it brings to mind the little I know about Buddhism and what it says about attachment. Life is a series of attachments and pain or anguish happens when those attachments are broken. That makes a lot of sense.
Now that I am older, I definitely see the advantage of having children. Since it has turned out that I am living my twilight years with significant disability, it would have been really handy to have a spare human around to help me manage daily living. Someone I could scream at, er, vent to, boss around, and have as a general companion.
