Monday, June 9th
As we were searching for something to watch, I opened HBO and saw this documentary. We were both interested, so we watched part one. This half was all about the early years and his rise to stardom. Because he eventually made the decision to make Pee-wee Herman as close to a real person as he could, Paul Rubens disappeared. He worked with some amazing people and is hysterically funny being interviewed. I highly recommend watching this!
Tuesday, June 10th
My sleep varies a lot lately. I sometimes have trouble falling asleep, especially if I do not let the melatonin take over when it makes me sleepy. I put on my wonderful noise-canceling headphones and listen to a podcast with the volume barely perceptible. ’Beautiful/Anonymous’ used to be a guarantee to put me to sleep, but now I have listened to ’How Did This Get Made?’ so much that the hosts are old friends and very comforting.
My masseuse is not able to come next Tuesday, so we rescheduled for Friday afternoon. I would just cancel, but I get a massage every week!
Wednesday, June 11th
J&B stopped by today with spring rolls from a different restaurant. I can then tell them which version I prefer. They were both good, but today's order was not crispy, and the rice paper covering was a bit chewy. It was a larger order with six rolls instead of three, so it lasted two meals, but even so, I prefer the first order. J installed a glare filter on my iPad that was the right size, and it works like a dream! A much improved viewing experience. Thank you very much!
My aunt, the person who did not go to Europe with the rest of my family, visited me today and brought me gluten-free lemon cookies. We sampled them, and they were very good! She gave me her sympathies about my father's passing, and I told her all the thoughts I had. I was crying when I told her that Dad had died on what would have been Ian’s 40th birthday. "I'm not sad," I said. "I'm crying because it's so beautiful." She wholeheartedly agreed. We both see death as not an end, but a transition to a new form of existence.
Sorry to get all metaphysical on you, but as I get older, I cannot help thinking about the end. Especially with Kula’s death, I clearly saw how his essence left his body, which was just a deflated shell after he died. I refuse to see any distinction between my cats and my father. I think the process is the same for any mammal, or indeed any living thing.
Thursday, June 12th
Yesterday when J changed the filter on my iPad, he accidentally changed the wallpaper and got rid of Humphrey’s photo. As much as I love that picture, I'm trying to recover my relationship with Freddie. It started off so strong, and I dropped the ball and stopped talking to him. So I replaced my wallpaper with a picture of Freddie. Now every time I see the picture, I think of him, and I figure that must strengthen our connection. He sat on the bed with me two times today, and I really enjoyed being with him.
I had a really interesting conversation with an old friend for an hour and a half today. We were friends 50 years ago when I lived in Michigan growing up. Her mom and my mom were friends, and the last time I had seen her was when I had driven across the country in 1996. My mom had stayed in touch through Christmas cards, and I had talked to her to tell her about Dad. She had given me her daughter's phone number, and I had called and had a fabulous time talking to her last week. Because I can't resist, I had asked her if we could have a conversation about what you're not supposed to talk about: politics. I knew she was a deep-red Republican, and I don't get the chance to talk congenially to someone with such different beliefs. She was excited by the idea as well, so we had our first conversation today.
Because we both like and respect each other, and we knew we were not trying to change anyone's opinions—we just wanted to see how each other saw the world—we could talk without the fear of reprisal or upset. It was also a chance to get our thoughts clear about what we believed. We bounced around to different topics, and I talked about adding a section on my website so I could publish our conversations. Just a thought. I haven't figured out how to record my phone calls yet. Maybe next week.
Friday, June 13th
I thought I might talk to another old friend this afternoon, but I got a little lazy and did not text her to confirm. Oh well, it will happen eventually. I enjoyed doing nothing at all and just watching shows for the heck of it.
When dinner came, it was a meal I did not want to eat, as it was wheat pasta. Usually, I pick out the chicken and eat that and the vegetables, but there was no chicken. I asked the nurse to get me a dollop of peanut butter, and I ate three of my gluten-free lemon cookies piled with peanut butter on top! It was fun for me because it was the kind of peanut butter I don't buy, creamy and sweet, probably Jif. I always bought healthy almond butter. Not nearly as fun to eat. A perfect small dinner and enough to tide me over until breakfast tomorrow.
Saturday, June 14th
I almost texted my stepbrother to let him know he did not need to come and bring me shrimp pad Thai this week. As I was thinking that, he called to say he would be stopping by later with the food. I told him he didn't have to, but he insisted. I'm very, very lucky! I tried to start writing my blog early so I could get it done before Monday, but that didn't really happen. Oh well, I guess I can't fight the rhythm I have fallen into.
Sunday, June 15th
Because of my father, I will never get impatient or angry with someone who suffers from mental illness. I am surprisingly well-suited to living in this kind of situation, and I try to help my neighbor whenever I can. Her voices keep her awake for days at a time, and early this morning I heard her talking about being picked up. I asked where she was going, and she said she was going to the hospital for surgery on her spleen. I told her that her voices were most likely lying to her once again, and I didn't think she was going anywhere. Almost immediately, she fell asleep as she was on the edge of exhaustion and badly slurring her words. Yay! I thought quietly.
Today was very quiet as all of my roommates slept peacefully, and I kept to myself and made sure not to break the silence. It's not until you are surrounded by noise 24/7 that you really come to appreciate silence. For some reason, my neighbor’s oxygen machine was turned off last night and has yet to be turned on. I am nervous even dictating this sentence, for fear of reminding her to turn it on. Phew! I live for the time when it's off, so I am loving life right now!
My cover photo is of my mom and sister in Paris, somewhere near the Eiffel Tower. Don't you wish you were there? Me neither. I'm fine lying in bed, watching movies. That's what I tell myself anyway. I actually have no desire to travel on an airplane or deal with the inaccessibility of Europe. That's the truth! Have a fabulous week!
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